So he's not coming home for Thanks Giving

So my husband is in Switzerland,  he's stuck there for work.....not coming home for Thanks Giving.  It all started when he realized he nids to go out of the country for work around our birthdays,  was hard to decide for whose bday would he not be around.  We decided the sooner he goes the sooner the return, the decision scrambled like an egg right in frnt of our face.  he missed my bday,  his Bday and now he's not gonna be around for Thanks Giving.  I stayed calm all these days being a SUUUUUper emotionalally cranky person to keep him strong since he is away from home and has no one with him BUT work and wurries...  Turns out my showing how stable i am and strong i am emotionally with him not being around for a couple of days makes him think am happy without him....!!!!!!!!  Phew!!  SO i realized...my crying to my dog everynight cos am scared to sleep alone...my wishing and hoping each day that he would come back home tomorrow...my weeping my brain out till i cant see anymore (really its like a black out) ...would have all made him more comfortable if he knew about it....so had i called him and abused him that he wasnt home for my bday or his...and how much i mised cutting our cakes alone...How lonely i would be for Thanks Giving....would have atleast let him be at peace emotionally that i miss him.....  STRANGE he doesnt know how much i love him and miss him after 3 yrs of being together...